#i am fucking exhausted and hungry
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mike----wazowski 3 months ago
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love is going to the more inconvenient train stop bc u want to spend more time with ur best friend then being stuck in a clusterfuck of a travel home
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hexastitchimera 4 months ago
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Hey folks, got another something to consider here, especially in regards to the safety of minors in adult spaces.
Let me preface:
I started off with having computer access as early as 4 years old. Granted, it was purely on the children's games my parents would set up for me on the living room computer, and I didn't even know how to click because all the games required was you hovering over your choice with your cursor.
However, because I was thick in the nest of neglect- what with one of my parents working constant, back-to-back overtime, the other unable to give a damn- this set me up for catastrophe.
To play Devil's Advocate, both of my parents were immigrants who still, to this day, struggle with their own Internet usage because they just don't understand the severe consequences and ramifications of putting things online. Their home cultures didn't even HAVE the kind of tech Americans in the 70s-90s had, due to war, poverty, and manipulated economy.
It was only when they immigrated that they realized computers weren't exclusively for Westerners, and for the few scientists/politicians in their countries lucky enough to be entrusted.
However, there is no denying that, without parental supervision nor adult attention, I sought out what I needed elsewhere. What was more convenient than having that at the push of a button?
Just like them, I didn't know better.
Unlike them, it was because I was a child.
Because I was a child, unfortunately, I was ripe for the picking. You name it, I lived it. All the way down to almost being trafficked, by the same person who had been thick in primary school when I wasn't even born yet.
Thankfully, times are different now, and awareness of these issues has never been more prevalent. There are helplines, in-school education on Internet safety and abuse, and then some.
In addition, many adults- myself included- don't feel comfortable engaging in minor-targeted spaces, let alone with minors period.
Whether it's out of respect, out of traumatic experience, or other reasons, it doesn't matter as long as it isn't a harmful one (i.e "I hate kids", which yes, IS considerably harmful, as someone who heard such constantly as a child and thus felt less safe to tell adults about the abuse).
This leaves us adults to create our own spaces, where we often do and say things that are adult-oriented. Again, this is perfectly fine, as long as there is no harm coming from it.
What is not fine is how- despite the abundance of awareness and caution- there are minors who will sadly undergo a repeat of the cycle in our spaces. All despite the prevalent messaging of "keep minors out of adult spaces," and how many of us adults have some form of "Minors DNI" on our pages.
Again, having been there myself, I completely understand that neglect of ANY kind can make one look to the outside world instead of further into their unreliable inside group. Being alone, or even isolated/sheltered, is an inherently anti-social experience that our social animal brains cannot handle without succumbing to dissociation, "acting out," etc.
As children especially, we are wired to rely on adult attention for survival, and we do experience extreme psychological distress when that necessity isn't met.
Nevertheless, it truly is imperative for minors to understand the following:
Adults on the Internet will NEVER be a safe replacement for your own parents, families, guardians, teachers, etc.
Even if an adult is well-intentioned and otherwise on their best behaviour, there is no guarantee that their friends are the same. Digital abuse can, and does, often start by proxy, especially in fandoms.
We created these adult spaces to keep YOU safe. It is not an exclusive club that we are gatekeeping you from. You can join of your own accord once you're 18 or over.
This isn't to victim blame, nor to shame minors for seeking out what they should have been given since they were born.
There is a reason why it's up to adults to check ages, to make sure their age-restricted servers are watertight (which they never can be, so long as someone out there is being dishonest about their age/ID), and to avoid privately messaging minors period.
All the same, it's also up to minors to learn how to keep themselves safe. Not to the point of paranoia- you too will be an adult one day- but to the point of being able to protect yourself as both child and adult.
After all, predation doesn't stop once a fawn has grown into a deer, and adult protective services exist for good reason.
So, instead, minors ought to:
Seek out well-moderated spaces that are curated for minors with the safety of minors in mind (note: avoid self-proclaimed youth cults like the plague).
Learn what makes a safe friend and an unsafe one (i.e learn about the signs of abuse).
Never be afraid to block anyone who gives you The Ick (i.e gut feeling), especially if they're an adult or otherwise age ambiguous.
If someone makes you feel unsafe, tell a moderator ASAP, or simply block + report them. If you aren't taken seriously, escalate to their supervisor, and even go straight to the top if need be.
And 5., the most important:
If someone has committed a crime against you, DO NOT POST IT ONLINE, EVEN TO WARN OTHERS. REPORT TO YOUR LOCAL AUTHORITY ASAP.
If you do so and THEN go to the authorities, you will either not be taken seriously due to perceived ulterior motives on your part (ex. your post gaining significant external attention), or you could get into legal trouble yourself if failure to report and/or smear laws exist in your country.
As well, if you do report it- whether or not you're taken seriously, they have to make a case file by law and you must enforce your right to as much- the authorities will pick up on the pattern if ANOTHER victim makes their own report, and will hopefully escalate the situation then.
You can still denounce the actions and inactions of your local authorities, and use their services in a time of duress because they are the ONLY authority that has the resources to do something about it. You are not a hypocrite for keeping yourself safe and alive, and it's not your fault that alternative options do not exist.
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Though it always is up to adults to be responsible around minors, only YOU can curate your own Internet experience.
The block button is your bestest friend.
Use it well and use it often.
Cheers, thanks for reading, and be safe. 馃挏
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orcelito 1 month ago
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely馃憤
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 馃檮#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶
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cowboy-robooty 11 months ago
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i dont got a gaurdian angel or devil on my shoulder but i do imagine grandad (robert freeman) from the boondocks reacting to everything around me
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micamone 5 months ago
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hey guys
#vent#just... gimmie a sec im gonna put it in the tags i cant find the readmore on my phone rn#im havin a straight up not good time but not the worst in the house!#the worst is my cat. whose old and dying. and i have no money to put to sleep to fuckin put us both outta this misery#typical. she cant get a heart attack and go fast like my moms dog#shes gotta wail and be ill for a month while im recovering from one surgery and trying to get ready for the next#its also an amazing time for my ocd that i learned i have from artists on hear explaining what it is to send me into spirals#over germs. but shes just 20 with teeth and respiratory issues her whole life and been struggling with constipation#so i KNOW how shes dying. shes backed up and hungry and dehydrated but feeling bloated still and not eating or drinking.#shes probably got arthritis and has been moving like a geriatric for a while but its to the point now she wont even lay down. shes just#perched on a pile of towels in the bathroom dozing and occasionally crying for me to come pet her. im so fuckin tired#and theres nothing i can do! the vet i could find a timeslot for in a reasonable time said 500$. so thats cool. im paying 1000$ for me in#a week for my stuff and its just. god all she and i are doing is crying and it sucks ass#she wants company for comfort and i dont blame her - so the fuck do i!#but i cant sit in the bathroom with her my damn legs keep going numb. and my roomate 1) cant emotionally buoy me thru this#and 2) has a long work day tomorrow and its already mad late. sigh#dont try to offer me condolences ive worked thru her dying already its just now we're botb exhausted in the form its taking#if anything i just need another distraction to keep me from spiraling over something again#edit: ARUGH AND THE OTHER CAT THROWING UP IN THE OTHER ROOM. GOD DAMN IT#the younger one has so many allergies and wont stop fucking eating things off the floor babygirl i am BEDRIDDEN you gotta stop eating shit#off the floor!!!!!!!! you have specialty food for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#awesome it was right in my bed
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gingerbreadmonsters 1 year ago
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I HOWL AND I WHINE, I'M AFTER YOU
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princessmyriad 2 months ago
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.
#personal#soo ive discovered a giant hole in my back tooth because medicare doesnt cover dental except for children#and so i havent been since i was 21 and i try to maintain tooth health at home but im not very good at it#due to being raised wrong about it and also autistic and i cant afford even a basic clean and checkup#which is what i was actually looking in my mouth and deciding i need which would be about 300 bucks already#and now im scared to eat anything because i definitely cant afford to make this worse 馃檭#genuinely so much bad shit has happened and every time its like. ok ill pick myself up cause no one else will and dust off and things#will be fine in the end they always are and my heart believes this will be fine too but i dont remember the last time i was#this genuinely legitimately scared. im so scared and i dont know what to do#i know the next steps is to call dentists in my area tomorrow and check if they do medicare but i feel i already know the answer#idk if its better to have looked or to not and be able to live my life but its food time and i cant make myself eat#im scared to make it worse im scared of the pain that might cause im scared of the upward 2k damage costs if it gets worse#fuck#fucking fuck#okok panick attack over i have a two step plan: part one call around tomorrow and see if anyone takes medicare#part two: i have pliars and towels and painkillers and a lot of conviction in both my diy skills and my caring for my own wounds skills#in the mean time just be more dilligent to brush immediately after eating and ill grab mouthwash too as soon as i can as im currently out#i have a family friend whos a vet maybe theyve ripped out a rotted dogs tooth or two before and could help. but ill cross that bridge#when i get to it fir neow i should check with real dentists before making assumptions. and eat because ive been crying and shaking#and was already hungry and now am exhausted. from the aforementioned shaking and crying and need to eat even more#in all cases. dentist on medicare being the best obviously but in all cases im gonna ask to keep my tooth. unless i do it i dont need to ask#but i forgot when i had my wisdoms out a a few years ago. holy fuck that was like a decade ago actually wtf#ima make a necklace out of it since its just the one and not a pair#and just like that things will be fine. as expected as they always are once the panick mode is done im ok i have a plan and im good
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the-dot 1 year ago
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me: i feel a little better :) maybe i can do things now!
me as soon as i wake up: ah.
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apricusapollo 2 years ago
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It's almost 4 am and I'm literally about to go to bed now because I've been watching this whole mess and "peaceful" protest that's happening in Georgia right now but ANYWAYS thought I'd mention a random update on paper rings before sleeping lolz
alright so I'm having the worst writer's block ever ever ever and plus I wanna finish warhol's book and some school stuff and watch couple of movies (that my English teacher suggested and I need to discuss them with her later) till the spring break ends so I can't say when I'll post the new chapter, hopefully soon but i'm the worst promise keeper so i will not be making any promises<\\3
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thatlittledandere 1 year ago
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Everything I learn about economics makes my life worse I just worked myself up so much my legs are heavier than after 6th grade Cooper test and my head is spinning simply out of pure outrage. All of it influences our life SO much and none of it is even REAL. We all just agree that money is real and makes some lives better and some worse even though it doesn't even exist anywhere. God I'm so mad
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orcelito 11 months ago
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Had to bike home in -8掳F windchill and 1 inch of snow today. A 12 min bike ride took 22 mins. Man.
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silberneherze 5 months ago
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,
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baekuras 1 year ago
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wow...shoutout to my body for making me sleep for 16WHOLEASS FUCING HOURS aka an entire day normally spent awake
during the weekend you know the time where i have one half and one whole day off to do things i enjoy and not be at work for 10 hours :) that time :)
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tyranicalgrief 1 year ago
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christ FUCKING alive
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apricusapollo 2 years ago
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I finally finished fucking writing 5th chapter of paper rings what the fucking fuck was writing this fucking chapter I'm fucking exhausted
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thestarmaker 2 years ago
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My stomach: hey I'm empty. Feed me.
Me: king you are specifically trying to get rid of anything I put in you and have been for almost 12 hours now. Fuck off.
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